I have a confession to make. I have been leading a double life. On one side I am a normal family man with a beautiful wife and kids, a good job and blessed with a good life in general, but on the other side something was missing so I was compelled to pursue the love for another. I hope that by getting this off my chest I will be able to give clarity to my situation and live in peace.
I knew early on in our relationship that she was going to be a part of my life forever. Her beauty is somthing out of a fairy tale and I was immediatly drawn to her. The more time I spent with her the more my love grew. I found myself fantacizing about her and wondering how I could arrange my busy life to spend more time with her. I would do things like call in sick from work to be with her or I would make excuses to my wife like “I’m going fishing with the boys for the weekend”. It was selfish I know, but being with her was like a drug addiction that could only be satisfied in her embrace. I am not the only person she has a relationship with but when I am with her I feel as if she is mine and I have her all to myself.
She bares scars of a troubled past, although it does not seem to bother her much. She has a history of being abused like a prostitute, passed around to fulfil selfish needs of others and discarded as if her sevices were owed to those who abuse her. She handles it well, putting on a brave face, a testament to her strengh and reziliance. I am able to look past those scars and see the beauty in her, although I am still concerned about her future and wonder how she will heal. I do what I can to help her even though it seems too much for one man to correct. I feel like icorus rolling a ball up the mountan but in the end I know she will be ok.
She does not feel the same way for me as I do for her, in fact, she does not care about me at all. She is warm and giving to my needs but at the same time cold and heartless. She has violent mood swings that can go from a raging fury to a quiet calm with no apparent reasoning. If I were to die tommorrow she would not shed a tear and I would soon become a distant memory. Knowing this does not change the way I feel about her and still I try to nurture our relationship and visit her as much as possible. I look forward to spending more time with her and I hope to gain a better understanding of myself and therefor a better understanding of life in general. I can only hope that others will have a similar relationship in thier lives so that they can feel the same joy I do when I am with her.
I have to confess, you all know her. She is mother nature, the ultimate giver, and I would encourage everyone to spend time with her so that they may reap the rewards of having her close to their hearts.
Jesse D Haslehurst
Kayak Guide and Business Owner Grey Wolf Expeditions